Again I am brought to my little black book of notes from, "The Five Spirits"- Returning to Wholeness: parts of us that need to die can die, and something truly can come to life=Healing process. It includes these two parts:
1st Phase: The emergence Holding steady in the Darkness
While a person is till going down, crisis, active stillness in confusion and despair. It takes place when we finally let go. Use our will to "not do" even while every part of us is screamign to take action to fix the problem. We surrender the light of consciousness, light of hte ego. We sacrifice rational knowings and plunge head first into the unknown. TRUST, WAIT, SURRENDER to the Unknown.
We must stay long enough in the darkness. We must stay still while we hold the tension between two opposing polarities. Like water wait patiently tell the next step arises spontaneously up from a deeper part of nature. Often we have tremendous desire to break out of our situation.
2nd Phase: Stabilizing zhi, becoming the mountain.
We pass the dark gate of chaos(yang within yin) It is a returning. Stabilizing of will. how a human becomes like a mountain=how the wholenss of self is reborn. We must stabilize the intinctual life force, the zhi. By sacrificing the conscious doing of the ego. then we become aware of another light shining from the darkness= light of the essences of embodiment of matter=appearance of lower light=rebirth of spirit!
Tables are turned=yang shines from below rather from above=ALCHEMICAL marriage: fire joins water and zhi joins with shen. A New Illumination enlightens us and leads the way back to our path. We return to our self but in a new way. WE align our individual will with Tao and attain wisdom. The light of the spirit becomes the root of foundation consciousness awareness. Lowers itself down to support our original nature. Power and Potency of our Insticts are stabilized by our HEARTS. WE gain wisdom through out journey and we are twice-born !
Encountering the Dark Mother:
Descend to the bottom of the labrynths of Kunlun mtn. Facing XiWang Mu. =release parts of us that need to die and wait to see if anything comes to life! No certain answers or outcomes. Trust the larger wisdom will enlarge to support and guide us.
And with all that said: I read this this morning and I had chills waving over and through my body and tears filled my eyes. I had thought that I was going through the process a few years ago thinking it would be the turn around in a few months. Not two more years. This last year of my life has been me literally venturing into the UNKNOWN of my soul, the dark caverns that were uncharted and unmarked. I have been guided and surprised at the room, the depth, the darkness, the sorrow, and fear, and anger I found. In this darkness of my soul I have played with fire, drugs, sex, energy, tested and questioned the questions in my upbringing you didn't ask. I asked the questions, I stepped out into the dark unknown because I...I am a pioneer to the discovery of the fullness of who I am. Many might never have the courage to enter this aspect of themselves or open the door that looms in the shadow. Many run the other way in fear (I almost did) . In fear of discovering their ugliness, the stuff people shouldn't know about. The stuff inside you'd rather not look at. I dove head first into more than I could have even imagined. I was so blessed to have a dear travelor to be there with me as I took the steps down, and down. And we seemed to travel and discover and evolve at a rapid pase, that was not comfortable.
I have so much gratitidue for the magic in my life, the beauty and the love. I am so grateful for the discovery and awareness of my darkness for within it I have become reborn, renewed. In the darkness I found and am finding My Light, My Path, My Way. I am discovering who I am, what I am about, what I am made of. And there is a tough, spunky, deep, tender hearted, spirit warrior goddess in me. A guardian and champion and voice for children and families. A goddess of light creating with my words, my painting and the work of art I call my body. A woman that is stepping out of the old skin that doesn't serve me any more. And stepping up and into the fullness of who I am and what I have always been underneath it all. Knowing this process is a continual journey and I am excited to venture forth with my tiny feet and discover all that I can about life and myself in relation to all creation. And with this journey I intend to share the insights, the story, the wisdom, the triump and the endless love and amazing resiliance of spirit. As we trust, let go and with forgiveness accept all of who we are, ever have been and look out with a spark in our eyes to all that we will create the world will transform as we emerge into the wholenss of who we are.
January 7, 2012 Hailey Dawn Armstrong
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